Eighteen Drabbles
by ChElFi
Summary: ReginaRiverMayHill invited me to participate in these drabbles. All from my Captain Hill universe. A/U, unless you like The Avengers more than the MCU writers. (IE. Mine end up happy & friends...no Civil Wars here...Steve and Tony are best buds.)
1. We've Only Just Begun

**A/N: I'm having major computer issues so all my updates are delayed. Just so long as I don't lose them all like last year, I'm not going to freak out. I typed this one out on my mini and posting it from there as well. Apparently you can't post from a cellphone. Time to get with the new century, FFN.**

**ReginaRiverMayHill sent me a list of prompts for some drabbles. The list is thirty long and you are supposed to choose eighteen. My eighteen stories are about my Steve's and Maria's wedding anniversaries. I will skip the third and eighth as I already posted those in I Don't Dance, chapters twenty-six and twenty-eight respectively. This means I can end on their twentieth. :)**

**While I will attempt to keep this as T as possible, these _are _all anniversary stories so there will definitely be inferences to s-e-x. **

**Anyway...I shuffled the list they sent with the help of my seven year old and the first word that he picked out of my hat (literally) was "limos."**

**Title for this chapter is "We've Only Just Begun" from The Carpenters' song. **

**Please R&R. :)**

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><p>"That's your plan?" Steve eyed Tony dubiously.<p>

"What?" Tony turned back to him from the layout on the computer screen. "Too few? Do you think we should have forty?"

"I'm fairly certain ten would do the trick," Maria responded dryly.

"Ten?" Tony gasped as if affronted. "Where's the fun in that? No, thirty limos. See, I have the timing down."

"That's twenty extra people who know what's going on Stark," Natasha interrupted.

"Argh, you spies and your secrecy," Tony groused.

"It's kind of the point, Tony," Maria said.

"But this will be more fun, _and _still secret," he said. "I understand your point, Natalie."

Natasha rolled her eyes and Tony let out a yelp as a rubber band hit him on the back of the neck. The group turned and looked over at Clint who sat on his perch on the back of the sofa in the Avengers common lounge, an innocent look on his face.

"I can program all the limos to be remotely controlled from our command center." Stark turned his attention back to his plan to get Steve and Maria to their first anniversary vacation safely.

"Ten limos," Maria said. "That's the deal. As it is this will be a huge mess for SHIELD to clean up."

"I'm gonna take care of the clean up," Tony assured her in a peevish voice.

In the end, Tony agreed to ten, and he only blew up half.

Steve and Maria made it to their cabin unscathed.

Later, Steve lay in their bed wondering, again, how he could run for miles and barely break a sweat, yet a mere thirty passionate minutes with his wife left him gasping for breath.

He held held her tightly as his heart rate slowly returned to normal.

"Thanks for putting up with me this year," he whispered against her temple then pressed his lips to her skin.

"Yeah, it was a real hardship," she mocked as she pushed herself up on her elbow next to him.

"It was," Steve insisted. "The whole mess with HYDRA."

Maria put her fingers over his mouth to stop him from continuing.

"It's the past, Steve," she told him. "We promised we wouldn't live in the past."

"It was only four months ago," he insisted on continuing the argument.

Maria sighed loudly to indicate her displeasure.

"And I forgave you, and you were exceptionally good at making it up to me." She smirked and raised an eyebrow at him.

"I made you cry," he said, his voice tight with the pain of the memory.

"And I've never done anything that hurt you," she said sarcastically.

"That's different," he said.

"How?" she asked immediately.

"You were just afraid I'd reject you if I knew everything about you," he said.

"And you were just afraid I'd reject you because you weren't Captain America anymore," she retorted.

Steve was silent. It was difficult to rebutt the truth.

"I don't want to argue this week," she said. "Four months ago I spent twenty-four hours not knowing if we'd even have a first anniversary. I'm just grateful we're here and together."

Steve looked over at her and smiled softly.

"I'm sorry," he said, then pulled her back into his arms and placed a kiss on her forehead before beginning to run his fingers through her hair. "I just love you so much."

"I know," she said, then langorously moved her hand across his body, taking slow, blissful time everywhere she knew he was sensitive until Steve felt his heart rate increasing.

"If you keep doing that, I'm not going to be able to control myself," he breathed out.

He felt her body shake as he listened to her laugh.

"I know," she said.


	2. You Are the Sunshine of My Life

**A/N: Prompt for today: Garden. Title is from the Stevie Wonder song.**

**Thanks for the reviews, likes, and follows. Hope you all continue to enjoy this series.**

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><p>This was the sort of place Steve would love, Maria thought, as she wandered through the gardens at Carrick Hill. It was why she'd come here. She'd taken a break from her duties in Adelaide to visit a place she'd been several times, a place to which she'd often thought about bringing Steve. She could imagine him, pencils and pad in hand, sitting on a bench or a step, eagerly drawing whatever had caught his artistic eye.<p>

The fantasy brought a slight smile to her face. Steve was always so intent when he drew, his face took on the appearance of curious awe, as if whatever he'd taken a fancy to was somehow a new wonder he had to explore with the point of his pencil. Maria shuddered in quiet pleasure as she recalled what it felt like to be the object of that fancy.

Two years today since they'd wed and Maria still wondered at it. What about her had truly garnered his notice? There was a world full of beautiful, and uncomplicated, women who would have done almost anything for his attention and, without trying, she had gained it.

It was easier when they were together, Maria thought. Easier to keep these doubts at bay. One look in his eyes and they would scatter.. But they weren't together and, though they both knew they would often spend special days apart because of their work, today seemed to her a difficult one to care more for the duties the constant battle of keeping the peace entailed.

Maria turned down the path that led her under the pear trellis. She'd been here in Spring and, though the autumn had taken some of the leaves, Maria could still see it's full beauty in her mind's eye. She was a few meters down the path when she heard someone behind her. While she was always alert, she didn't really have any concerns about meeting with a threat here today. Still, she began to slowly turn to cast a glance over her shoulder at the person.

"The difficult thing about being married to a super-spy is it's always dangerous to sneak up on her." Maria heard the voice and turned, shaking her head in disbelief.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Steve was supposed to be somewhere in the Indian Ocean at that moment.

"We wrapped things up early," he said with a shrug as he slowly walked toward her.

He stopped in front of her and Maria's breath caught in her throat at the look he gave her. It was full of need and desire and the dangerous anger he got when something went wrong that shouldn't have. She didn't ask. She could tell he wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"I needed to see you," he said, his voice rough with emotion.

His hand reached up to gently touched her face. He began to lean in until his lips hovered just above hers.

"Happy Anniversary."

His breath brushed across her lips causing Maria's skin to goose pimple down her arms and all the way to her toes. As he gently began to kiss her, Steve's hand slid into her hair. His other hand wrapped around her lower back to pull her tightly to himself. He kiss was slow, seductive, and though it lasted less than thirty seconds, Maria's heart was pounding against her chest as if she'd run a mile when he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers.

"I love you," he said.

Maria looked up at him and touched his face.

"I love you, too," she said.


	3. Love Will Keep Us Together

**A/N: This is the fourth anniversary story. If you are looking for the third anniversary, which wasn't much better than this one, that's over in _I Don't Dance_, Chapter 26. **

**Soooooo, this is NOT a HAPPY anniversary story. A reminder of the timeline: The previous July, a week after Steve's birthday, Maria went into pre-term labor and both she and their daughter, Hope, nearly died. If you want to read part of that fun story it is entitled, The Smallest Coffins Are the Heaviest. During this period, Steve is suffering from PTSD, which, as I mentioned in Chapter 27 of _I Don't Dance_, is rather common in NICU parents.**

**This story is also referenced in Chapter 28 of _I Don't Dance_, that story is about their eighth anniversary and is far happier than this. :) Also referenced in this story are the first part of the last chapter of _Suffering Is a Guarantee, Happiness Is a Phase_, and _Hopes and Dreams_.**

**Sheesh, I'm gonna have to write this all down. Not long from now I'll be getting confused. :)**

**The word prompt for this story is "perfume." Title is the Captain and Tennille song. And, no, I didn't notice _that_ until after I picked the song. I'm really slow.**

**Again, thank you all for the likes, reviews, and follows. I hope you enjoy this, or, actually, that's ridiculous. Just make sure you have a box of tissues handy.**

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><p>The stationery was not Maria, at all. It was pink and had tiny red chrysanthemums* on each corner of the page. But the handwriting was her; sharp sloping characters, strong lettering that always reminded Steve of her strength and resilience. And the perfume, that was definitely her, but not on a letter, and certainly not on stationery of this type. It was old-fashioned in a way Maria simply was not.<p>

He held the page in his hand as he sat on the edge of their bed. She'd given him the letter only minutes earlier, a slight hopeful look in her eyes, a tight smile she probably thought hid the strain of the past eight months. He'd taken it from her and opened it and looked at the page without reading. Then he'd turned and left the room without a word.

Steve knew he'd disappointed her again. He had no need to see her face to envision the look in his mind even now. He clenched his jaw as he fought the urge to return to her, take her in his arms, and apologize. He couldn't. The last time he'd touched her had been that night. He could still hear her screams of pain and see the blood.

He dropped the letter onto the bed as he stood abruptly and began to pace the room. His breaths came in short gasps as he tried to gain control of his thoughts, of the images that flashed through his mind. The blood: on her nightshirt, on her hands, her face, pooling on the ground under her, streaks of bloody hand prints on the walls. Steve clenched his fists and prayed to regain control before he broke something or, worse, hurt someone.

Finally, after what seemed like hours but was only minutes, Steve stepped over to his side table. He opened the drawer and dug through the mess there, pulling things out and throwing them on the floor beside him in his desperate search.

Finally, in a fistful of papers he'd grabbed, he felt it. He dropped the papers and took the rosary beads in his hands. Maria had given it to him as a wedding present; her way, she said, of reminding him that because his faith was important to him, it was important to her. He'd always carried it with him, it made him think of her as much as it did of the prayers. But he'd dropped it in the drawer months ago. He wasn't worthy of such a gift. Or even to have his prayers heard.

He stared intently at the beads as he ran them through his fingers, the prayers quietly rolling off his tongue in rote. In the end he crossed himself and held the crucifix to his lips, closing his eyes As he recalled that time all those years ago when he learned there was one person who saw his need and met it. How could he not love her?

He reached over to the bed where the letter lay and picked it up to read.

_Dear Steve,_

_I know this year has been such a difficult one. It has possibly been the worst year of both our lives. But today, on our fourth anniversary, I wanted to remind you how much I love you. I know we will get through this time as we have all our other trials. I will not give up on us._

_You have spent years showing me what love is. I never thought I would ever have this, a husband who loves me, a child. These were never things I thought I deserved. But you showed me I was worth loving and I will hold onto that knowledge forever._

_I love you._

_Maria_

Steve sat on the floor, leaning back on the side of the bed, holding the perfumed letter in one hand and the rosary in the other, for hours. The shadows in the room had shifted greatly when he finally snapped out of his daze.

He fished into his pocket and pulled out his phone; then dialed speed dial #2 and listened to the phone ring. It picked up after three.

"Steve."

Tony's voice was not its usual gregarious tone. Steve knew the man must wonder if he'd ever hear from him again after the fight they'd had months earlier. Steve hadn't been ready then for what Tony tried to tell him. He was now.

"Tony." He stopped to clear his throat as his voice cracked. "I would like the name of that doctor. The, um, the psychiatrist."

*a declaration of love


	4. It's A Wonderful Life

**Summary:**

**No one trying to kill them. No SHIELD assignments to keep them apart. No emotional trauma to work through. Maria is certain their fifth wedding anniversary will be the best so far. But Steve plans to make it even better. (Yeah, it's fluffy like that. :))**

**Notes:**

**Happy 5th Anniversary to my Steve & Maria. Really. I swear. Promise even. For the 18 Drabble collection. Read it and weep happy tears. Please. It will make me feel better if you do. :)**

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><p>Maria slowly became aware of her surroundings as she woke. The scent of pine invaded her senses first, followed by the sounds of birds outside the cabin window.<p>

She stretched as she rolled over onto her back then a smile began to for as she heard the chattering voice of her little girl. It sounded as if Hope was talking to Steve. She couldn't make out the words, only the sounds, but she could picture it and it gave her more reason to smile.

She sat up on the edge of the bed and listened to the two voices for another minute until she noticed something on her bureau. She stood and walked over to pick up the envelope with her name written in Steve's hand.

Her throat constricted as she opened it to reveal the letter inside. She recalled their previous anniversary when she'd given Steve a letter. It had been such a difficult time. There had been many days she thought she'd lose him to his grief.

She shook off her negative thoughts as she took the letter and returned to the bed to read it under the warm sheets.

When she pulled the stationery from the envelope, a picture fell into her lap. It was a photo of Steve with Hope, which Maria had taken on Christmas morning here at the cabin. Hope was in Steve's lap holding one of her new dolls and both smiled up at the camera. The best thing, she'd thought at the time and still did, looking at the picture, was Steve's smile was real. On Hope's first Christmas, he'd had to force himself to act happy, but that seemed so long ago now.

Maria laughed at her thought. It had only been a year ago he'd finally sought help for his PTSD and far less since she'd heard him laugh a real laugh. Steve had finally succeeded in turning her into an optimist.

She set the photo aside and opened Steve's letter. The ecru paper was thick and had an embossed border. It was very Steve, as was the bouquet of a variety of flowers he'd drawn at the bottom, to which her eyes were immediately drawn.

She smiled and swallowed down her emotions enough to finally read Steve's letter.

_Dearest Maria,_

_When I woke to find myself in the 21st century, I thought I would never find another friend as good as the one's I'd had, and never find someone to love as much as I'd loved before. But from the first time I saw you, I was drawn to you. It was as if God himself had sent you to prove me wrong, and to give me the very things I never thought I'd have again._

_And now I have even more, something that I'd truly never thought I'd have. I have Hope. (And, yes, you chose an apt name.) The gift of this little girl that you have given me means more than words can say. But without you, the happiness I've experienced with her wouldn't mean nearly as much._

_Five years ago when we married and I first brought you here, I couldn't see how life could be better. But each day you make it better, you make my life far more than I'd ever dared dream. I look forward to each new day because of you._

_I will always love you._

_Steve_


	5. Wind beneath My Wings

**Summary:**

**A small gift brings back pleasant memories for Steve.**

**Notes:**

**Well, here we are with another drabble. The prompt for today, thanks to my home version of Tony Stark (aka My 7yo son), is "socks."**

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><p>Steve walked into the house and sat down heavily on the sofa. He listened as Maria hung her keys on the hook by the door and set her purse on one of the chairs at the kitchen table.<p>

She paused a moment then Steve heard a rustling as Maria dug into her purse for something before she walked over and sat next to him. She leaned against his shoulder and Steve felt himself finally begin to relax.

"I'm sorry this hasn't turned out to be a very good anniversary, " he said as he adjusted himself to pull her into his embrace.

"It's fine," she replied softly.

Steve closed his eyes and concentrated on Maria's steady breaths across his collar bone.

After several minutes of silence, Maria finally spoke.

"He's much better, Steve, " she said. "The training was probably just too much all at once."

Steve sighed deeply and squeezed her tighter against himself.

"It could have..." He started.

"No, don't do that, Steve." Maria interrupted and pressed her hand against his chest to push herself off him in order to give him one of her more commanding looks.

"It's been less than a year," she reminded him. "You can't expect him to be back to nkormal, not after everything thing he's gone through."

Steve felt the now all to familiar stab of guilt pierce his conscience as he recalled all the times he'd felt sorry for himself for spending decades frozen in the ice. All the while Bucky...

"Steve!" Maria's sharp tone pulled Steve out of his spiraling thoughts.

She held his gaze until she was sure his thoughts were with her and nowhere near the dark places they'd been of late. Then she smiled slightly and leaned in to give him a gentle kiss.

When she pulled away he sighed a more contented sigh.

"Better? " she asked and cocked an amused eyebrow at him.

He smiled and touched her face, his fingers skimming along her jaw and across her neck into her hair, where they sank into the silken strands, and Steve sighed even more contentedly.

Maria chuckled at his display then reached behind her and pulled around a small package. Whatever its contents were wrapped in an old-fashioned way, butcher paper tied up with twine. There was a small piece of paper attached.

He looked at Maria, unsure what to make of it.

"Read the card and open it," she told him.

Steve took the small parcel from his wife's hand. He was surprised when he read the card and glanced up in surprise.

She had a soft smile on her face. When he only stared at her she reached for the bow on the package and began to pull the string to open it.

Steve glanced down at the package only half in anticipation.

"It's socks," he told her.

"Socks?" she asked and looked back up at him.

"The card gave it away," he explained. "From Bucky. Sorry I missed Christmas. "

Maria stopped pulling on the string.

"I'm sure there must be some interesting story behind that," she hinted.

Steve smiled, then opened the package.

Sure enough, inside the neatly folded butcher paper was a pair of thick, woolen socks. He chuckled and shook his head, half in disbelief.

"During the war, families would send the GIs care packages," Steve told her. "There were always socks in them."

Steve took a deep breath to hold back the emotions the memory created.

"Only Bucky and me, we didn't have any family at home, so our socks got kinda thin," he said.

He stared across the room as if he could stare across time and see the scene set before him.

"On our only Christmas together in the Army, Bucky and I exchanged gifts," he told her.

He could see Bucky in the mess. There was a small Chistmas tree in the corner. The other soldiers around them eating their special Christmas dinner, chipped turkey and mashed potatoes. The voices were jovial and, for a while, you could almost forget there was a war.

_"Gotcha somthing," Bucky smiled and handed Steve a small package, butcher paper wrapped and tied with twine._

_"Well, such a coincidence," Steve smiled. "I got you one, too."_

_Bucky laughed as he took a similar looking packed from Steve. They both tore into them, then they looked at each other, over new pairs of socks, and laughed._

Steve felt a cool hand touch his to bring him back to the present. He looked at Maria and reached up to put his hand into her hair and pull her into a kiss.

When he ended the kiss and leaned back on the sofa, he thanked her.

"I didn't get you the gift," she reminded him.

"Thank you for being here," he said. "For always being here."

He took her hand and pulled her back into his embrace. Then he reached up with his other hand and began to run his fingers through her hair.

"I couldn't have faced this without you," he said. "It would have been so much more difficult to watch him going through this without your support."

They were quiet for several moments before Maria spoke.

"He's going to be OK," she assured him, yet again. "You just have to be patient."

"Not exactly a virtue of mine," he reminded her.

"You were patient with me," she said.

"Very good point," he replied and slowly slid his hand out of her hair and skimmed his fingers down her spine, causing her to shudder.

"That was definitely worth every second of the wait," he said then reached down to her hips and pulled her into his lap.

He began to undress her with his eyes and by the time he looked back up at Maria, her eyes were ablaze with desire.

"I don't think I want to wait tonight, though," he said, his voice gruff with desire.

She smiled and pressed herself against him, eliciting a soft moan.

"I don't either, " she said before her lips took his into a passionate kiss.


	6. Memories Are Made of This

**Summary:**

**Steve doesn't understand why a husband would complain about how long it takes his wife to find something to wear.**

**Notes:**

**Happy 7th Anniversary to my (obviously) favorite couple. A/U. So if you don't like The Avengers as happy, well-adjusted people, go watch the movies. ;)**

**Title from the Dean Martin song.**

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><p><p>

Maria stood in front of the mirror that hung on the back of her bedroom door. She looked at herself critically, trying to figure out if this skirt was appropriate for dinner and if it went with the blouse she had chosen.

"What do you think?" she asked Steve.

Her husband was stretched out on their bed, book in hand, waiting for her to decide what she was wearing before picking out a tie. He glanced up from his reading.

"Hmm?" He hummed in way of asking her what she'd said.

"Does this look good together?" she asked and waved her hands down to indicate her outfit.

Steve furrowed his brow.

"It's only March," he said. "That blouse is a little thin."

Maria looked back at her reflection in the mirror and Steve returned to his reading. She unbuttoned the blouse and laid it on the back of the chair next to the closet along with the other two outfits Steve hadn't quite liked, then she slid the skirt down and tossed it with the blouse.

She stood before the closet again and stared at the clothing before she grabbed another shirt and skirt. Those went by the wayside as well, not enough flair in the skirt for dancing. Then another because Steve didn't want *that* much flair.

"It's difficult enough to fend the guys off even with a ring on your finger," he told her.

Maria rolled her eyes at him and began to unbutton yet another blouse. She was about halfway through the buttons when she glanced in the mirror. She furrowed her brows at what she saw then turned, hands on hips, to glare at her husband.

"Stephen Grant Rogers!"

Steve's face was already red from embarrassment at being caught looking. Still, he tried to play innocent.

"What?" he asked.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked.

"I, I'm just reading," Steve claimed.

He was failing to keep a grin from forming on his face.

"We have reservations," Maria said. "And you're wasting time."

"Oh, it was no waste of my time." Steve interrupted and ran his eyes down and back up Maria slowly.

"Ugh," Maria groaned and grabbed up her towel from her earlier shower to throw at him.

He laughed as he lifted his arms to block her throw.

"You are incorrigible," she told him.

"I'm not the problem," he said defensively. "If you hadn't been getting dressed and undressed repeatedly in front of me. Well, come on. What's a fella to do?"

Maria's look could probably have melted glass, but Steve was immune.

"That is the lamest excuse you have ever made," she said as she folded her arms across her chest.

Finally she sighed.

"Don't you want to go out tonight?" she asked.

"I did," he said, a smirk beginning to play on his face. "But now I'm not sure my pants will fit."

Maria turned sharply away from him and walked over to the chair. She started to pick up the clothes and, she knew, from Steve's angle of sight it appeared she was angry. But now that he couldn't see her face, even in the mirror, she allowed a grin to break.

"Babe, I'm sorry," he said and Maria heard him get up off the bed.

She could imagine him standing behind her with his lost puppy dog look he always got when he felt bad for something he'd done or thought he'd done. That mental image only caused Maria to start laughing.

"Oh, Maria, please." Steve's voice sounded pained but it only made Maria laugh harder.

She put her hand over her mouth to stifle the sound and it came out more like a cry.

"Please, Maria, I'll make it up to you," he pleaded. "I didn't know this was so important to you."

He touched her on the shoulder and turned her to him. The surprise on his face when he discovered her face was full of mirth instead of tears only caused Maria to laugh harder.

"Well, you little," Steve started but Maria interrupted him by pulling him toward her and placing a hard kiss on his lips.

Several hours later, the bedding had joined the clothes on the floor and the chair and Maria gasped for breath as she lay atop her husband.

"Are we square?" he said, and Maria relished the smile in his voice.

"I don't know," she replied, trying to sound serious. (Who knew her SHIELD training would ever benefit her in such a way?) "We missed the reservation."

He huffed out a guffaw.

"I might be incorrigible," he said and flipped her over so she lay on her back on the mattress. "But you're insatiable."

"Good thing I married a super-soldier," she said and raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Steve only chuckled and began to press kisses down her neck.

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><p><strong>So, the 8th Anniversary story is a part of the "I Don't Dance" series. Title "If We Hold on Together." The 9th Anniversary story will be depressing and sad and weepy and horrible. Just a heads up. :)<strong>

**Also, I've been working a lot lately, so I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep up on reading other stories.**


	7. A Night to Remember

Summary:

Sad ain't my style  
>But once in a while<br>I just have to give in  
>'Cause a woman like you,<br>Is so hard to lose  
>You just don't want it to end<br>I know this can't go on forever  
>So tonight I'll have a night to remember<br>"A Night to Remember" Joe Diffie

Notes:

And so we have that depressing chapter I forewarned. In case you don't memorize the timeline of every story arc you've ever read, in this part of my story Maria has been missing and presumed dead for almost a year. If you want to be happy after you read this, the ending is covered in "Not for the Faint of Heart." Also, you might want to read "Snowflakes are Falling" to understand the Santa references in this story. And, if you want to know why Steve dislikes Nick, read "Things That Go to Make up a Life."

Other things: Flashbacks are in parenthesis, and in this series, Jasper is a good guy. Hey, somebody has to save the guy's reputation. :)

Thanks for all the favorites and follows. I really like reviews as well. :) Kind words and constructive criticism are always welcome. Anonymous flames will be flushed down the internet toilet. :D

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><p>The ambience in the living room of the Rogers' home was perfect for a romantic anniversary. A low, warm fire ebbed the chill of the early Spring air; the furniture was pushed back to allow for a soft blanket to be laid out in front of the fire; on the coffee table were two filled wine glasses.<p>

Steve sat on the sofa and gazed into the eyes of his lovely wife. The flames of the fire reflected off the glass of the frame that protected her photo from dust and decay, death.

Steve took a deep breath and leaned forward for his glass. He'd long since worked past the guilt he felt at not being able to protect Maria, but the reality still stung.

He took a long draught from the glass, stemware from the set Bruce gave them for their wedding, ("Bruce had uncommonly good taste, don't you think?"), and the Asgardian mead burned as it flowed down Steve's throat in a way no earthly liquor could. ("It's Christmas. I just want to try a little. We'll water it down." "OK, but you cannot hold me responsible for whatever happens.")

He set the frame on the table to pick up the picture from that Christmas, their last together. Maria smiled up at the camera over a tiny tea cup across the little play table from Hope who was serving her mother a small but beautifully decorated "cake." Maria was so happy. She had told him that every smile was because of him.

("I'll have to find someone who'd like these wrinkle creams Darcy gave me. I like my wrinkles. You gave them to me after all." "I gave you wrinkles? Grey hair, too, I suppose." "No, that was SHIELD, and Stark. The smile wrinkles, though, are yours.")

Steve set the Christmas picture down and picked up a sketch he made of her not long after that occasion, which had been her 40th birthday. Prior to that he'd always left the wrinkles off, most women always seemed to be complaining about them. But this time he'd made sure to capture the crinkle around each eye and the small curves around her lips. ("I like this one best of all.")

Steve swallowed down the last of the mead in his glass. He longed for another but was afraid of what he'd do if he were actually drunk. Instead he set the drawing down with the other pictures he'd spent the night looking at and leaned his head back on the sofa.

He'd made it through all the major events since Maria had gone missing and had been declared dead: His birthday; Hope's birthday; Hope's first day of kindergarten; Hope's homecoming day* which was the same day Melissa's birth and memorial day; Halloween, on which Hope insisted on dressing up like Mommy, in Mommy's clothing; Thanksgiving; Christmas, on which Hope cried herself to sleep in "Santa's" lap; Maria's birthday; Valentine's Day.

Today should have been their 9th Anniversary. Steve took another deep breath to try to calm himself but this time it didn't help at all. He felt the tears start to fall again. He didn't fight them anymore. Hope knew them as his only constant companion. He had tried to be strong for her, but after what she'd told him as Santa, that she could hear him crying after she went to bed each night, he thought maybe he should be more open with her so she could work through her grief as well.

Steve laughed a cruel laugh at those words. How would he ever work out his grief? He had lost so much in his life, but this seemed the most difficult. He'd taken Hope to counseling to help her but he really didn't see how anything could help him. He'd lost the most important person in his life and it was only Hope's need for him that kept him from a one man vendetta against the terrorists who had killed Maria.

Jasper was taking care of that. Steve knew the man was using his position as the new head of SHIELD to bring down the people who had done this. Steve didn't mind working with Jasper. But he wasn't sure he could ever forgive Nick.

Steve forced his thoughts to stop. He wasn't going to think about that tonight. Tonight he was going to remember Maria in all the good things she'd brought into his life. She'd given him comfort in his loneliness and confusion right from the beginning. And it had only been because it was her nature to do so. She hadn't had an agenda, she wasn't trying to get anything from him.

He looked over the pictures on the table and leaned forward to pick up the one the nurse had taken the first time Maria had held Hope. Maria's face was full of joy and awe, as if she'd just been handed the world. She'd been so worried when she discovered she was pregnant that she would be a terrible mother, but Maria was amazing. The first year alone she did almost everything on her own as Steve wasn't much use with his PTSD. And as Hope grew and was far more "girly" than either had expected, Maria seemed to revel in the tea parties and ruffles. She and Pepper would take the girls to mother-daughter teas. The four would have hair and make-up parties and sleep overs.

"I'm not doing this right without you," he said to the woman in the photo. "I have to learn how to make a ballet bun. How am I supposed to do that right with these huge hands?"

He exchanged the picture for one from Hope's first ballet recital the previous spring. Pepper had snapped it after they'd picked up Hope at the end of the performance. Steve held her in one arm, his other was tightly around Maria. They were all smiles. Hope, thrilled to be taking home her little duck ballet costume at the end of Sleeping Beauty, held a bouquet of flowers Steve had picked out for her. It was such a perfect day. And Steve, so foolishly, had imagined that the worst of their trials were behind them. All of the terrible things they had been through since they'd married were in the past. A month later, Maria was gone.

Steve closed his eyes and fought for control. Lately he had begun to feel the same as when he'd awoke from the ice. Only there was no Maria to come to him in the midst of his loneliness and despair. And Steve knew there never would be. It had taken him over a year to work through his loss of Peggy before he could finally entertain the idea of someone else. He had no interest in doing it again. What he and Maria had was something he'd only once dreamed. She had made all those dreams come true. He didn't need anyone else for that.

Finally, Steve reached for the letter Maria had given him on their last anniversary.

_Dear Steve,_

_Another year has come and gone and I am still always amazed at how full you have made my life. You give me more than I ever dreamed I could have. And, though each year has had its good and bad, the bad is not so terrible with you by my side, and the good is even more so for the same reason. I don't know what the future holds for us but I know that if you are with me, I will never worry over it._

_Your love and gentleness toward me, and toward our beautiful daughter, mean so much more than I can express in words, but I hope I will be able to show you every day how grateful I am for the gift of your love._

_Forever,_

_Maria_

Steve stared at the letter, still upset with himself that after all he'd gone through in his life, he'd failed to grasp the brevity of that word, forever.

He tried to shake himself out of his stupor as he looked over at the staircase. He'd wanted to make it his goal to actually sleep in his bed tonight. He hadn't since Maria had gone missing. And since she'd been declared dead, he hadn't been in the room. Pepper had been kind enough to remove his clothing, and Steve slept on the sofa, or on the floor in Hope's room.

("I was never this emotional before I met you." "Is that a bad thing?" "No, it means I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone." "Then I will do everything to remain worthy of your trust.")

He shook his head and turned away from the stairs. He picked up the wine glasses and carried them into the kitchen. After he poured the wine from the other glass into the sink, he looked around. This whole house was filled with her. Every corner held some memory of her, of them together, of their family. When Maria'd first been declared dead, Steve had wanted to sell the house and everything in it. It had all been too much for him. Now, he couldn't imagine leaving it. Even as painful as the memories were, they were all he had left, and he didn't want to rid himself of those.

It would get easier, he tried to assure himself. There had to be a time soon when he could go through a day at home without breaking down.

He walked back to the living room and turned the gas off in the fireplace, then he sighed deeply and resigned himself to another night on the sofa.

Been one tough week,  
>Dead on my feet<br>But I've made plans for tonight  
>When I'm feeling blue,<br>Know just what to do  
>And how to make it right<br>Seems like I've needed this forever  
>Gonna have myself a night to remember<p>

Dim the lights, lock the door,  
>Spread your pictures on the floor,<br>Throw the dust off of our past  
>Iet it all come floodin' back,<br>'Cause it ain't easy being strong  
>And when I can't forget you're gone<br>I just surrender,  
>And have myself a night to remember.<p>

Sad ain't my style  
>But once in a while<br>I just have to give in  
>'Cause a woman like you,<br>Is so hard to lose  
>You just don't want it to end<br>I know this can't go on forever  
>So tonight I'll have a night to remember<p>

Dim the lights, lock the door,  
>Spread your pictures on the floor,<br>Throw the dust off of our past  
>Iet it all come floodin' back,<br>'Cause it ain't easy being strong  
>And when I can't forget you're gone<br>I just surrender,  
>And have myself a night to remember.<p>

Oh it ain't easy being strong  
>And when I can't forget your gone<br>I'll just surrender  
>and have myself a night to remember<p>

* * *

><p>Notes:<p>

*NICU babies often have a homecoming day celebration in addition to their birthday, at least mine does. :)

IMO, this is the worst of it. They have other difficulties, but never anything as bad as this again. So the rest of the stories might be safe. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**(I posted this last week on AO3, but couldn't get it to work over here at FFN)**

**Summary:**

**Some things about returning from the dead are easier than others.**

**Notes:**

**So, I needed a break from my insane life, and there's not a lot to do in court hallways but read and write. I decided to fix Steve. Can't promise I'll never put him through worse, but I'll be nicer for the rest of this series.**

**Basic timeline: This is from my "Shape of Us" series, which was my first series for Steve and Maria. In this particular part of the storyline, Maria has been returned for nearly a year after she was missing and presumed dead during an op. This is their 10th Anniversary.**

**For the 18 Drabbles Challenge from ReginaRiverMayHill. Prompt word "coconuts."**

* * *

><p>Maria Rogers-Hill watched her daughter play in the gentle waves lapping the shore at the Stark's island home where she and her family had been staying since the weather turned cold in New York. Maria hadn't been able to manage her body temperature well enough and the doctor felt she'd fair better in a warmer climate. Tony and Pepper had immediately offered them the island. Initially, Maria had been hesitant; however, Steve talked her into it easily as soon as the first snow storm was predicted. She, Steve, and Hope had been here since late October and, while it was nice, Maria did truly long to go home to the familiarity of her own house.<p>

Before long, she heard Steve's steps as he walked down the path toward the beach. From the careful nature of his gait, Maria could tell he was carrying something. And in a moment he set a tray filled with three coconuts shaped into cups on the table before her.

Maria smiled at what had become a morning ritual. Hope had been so thrilled the first time they'd been served coconut milk this way she'd asked for it again and again until the staff simply assumed they'd be having them each morning and ordered accordingly.

"Like your new ID?" he asked and pointed to the card in her hand.

Maria smiled up at him and nodded.

"So you're really OK with this?" Steve's face took on the sheepish look he got when he wasn't sure if she'd like something he did. It seemed absurd to her, since there was rarely an instance when she didn't like something he'd done. Or maybe she was just looking at things differently than she did before her nearly year-long ordeal in captivity.

"It's fine Steve," she assured him and looked down at the small, rectangular piece of plastic.

"Maria Rogers-Hill." It hadn't taken her long to get used to the name Steve had changed his and Hope's to when Hope started kindergarten the September after Maria had been declared dead. And it had been remarkably easy to have it changed, at least when one compared it to trying to undo a death certificate.

Hope ran up to the table, glad to see the three coconuts set out for them. She chattered about a story she'd made up to play while she was collecting shells and rocks.

"Oh!" she exclaimed in the middle of her tale. "I forgot."

Hope shoved her hand into her pocket and pulled out a purple cowrie shell to present to Maria. The look on her daughter's face reminded Maria of the way Steve often looked at her when bringing flowers, especially early in their relationship. His face shy but expectant as he awaited her reaction to his well thought out flower choices.

"Thank you, sweetheart," Maria said took the shell from Hope.

Maria held the small shell in her hand and examined it to memorize every detail. Since she'd been in the hospital and Hope had brought her the first shell during a visit, Maria had developed an obsession with memorizing each one. It was the same with the bouquets Steve brought; with the added need to remove each flower at the first sign of decay.

She had turned the shell over in her hand, having already lost count of the number of times she had, when she felt Steve's hand rest on her shoulder. The touch startled her and Maria looked up sharply.

Hope had already returned to the water and Maria felt felt a blush come to her face. Tony had flown in a private doctor and psychiatrist for her, yet Maria felt as if she was making no progress. She couldn't look at Steve. She hated the burden she had become to him.

Steve slid his hand down her arm to place it in her hand then he tugged as he stood. Maria followed his lead reluctantly, pausing only to suggest she needed to watch Hope. Steve told her that one of the maids had come down to do just that. It was then Maria realized how long she'd been in her haze.

They walked along the shore hand-in-hand until the beach curved around and they could no longer see Hope or even the house. Then Steve sat down in the sand and pulled Maria into his lap. She leaned heavily against his chest and he tucked her head under his chin and wrapped his arms tightly around her. They remained that way for some time before Steve finally spoke.

"I understand how you feel," he said and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

Maria burrowed deeper into his embrace. She knew he had gone through something similar after Hope was born. He'd said it often over the previous months, but it was always helpful when she started spiraling.

"I meant what I wrote in my letter," he continued. "I want to help you the same as you helped me. Whatever it is that you need, no matter how long it takes."

Maria closed her eyes and breathed him in deeply. After several minutes she finally spoke.

"We can't stay here forever," she told him.

"Yes, we can," Steve replied without hesitation.

"Steve, I don't want you to feel like you're neglecting you duty," she countered.

"You and Hope are my duty," he said.

Maria sighed quietly. She'd had a feeling he'd say that, which was why she hadn't brought it up until today. After reading Steve's anniversary letter, Maria realized he was in no hurry to return to his life as Captain America.

"Steve, you won't be happy if you're not..." she started to argue, but Steve interrupted.

"Maria, you were returned to me from the dead," he said and tightened his embrace. "I will be happy if all I ever have is you, and Hope, no matter where we are or what we're doing."

Maria took a deep breath and began to relax. She had been so afraid that she was holding Steve back. But she could hear in his voice that he meant his words. And he had never said or done anything simply to placate her since she'd met him.

A smile finally found its way to her face as she felt Steve begin to pull his fingers through her hair.

"I love you," she said.

She felt the rumble in his chest as he sighed in contentment.

"I love you, too," he responded and gave her another kiss on the top of her head. "Happy Anniversary."


End file.
